


Only as a "what if"

by vivaldis_lover



Series: Rymazian Week 2018 [2]
Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Flash Fic, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 01:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16419548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivaldis_lover/pseuds/vivaldis_lover
Summary: Ryan would have lied if he had said that he doesn't think about Akmazian. He does. Maybe even too much.





	Only as a "what if"

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 of the Rymazian Week - Separation

He would have been lying, if he had said that he never thought about him. He was often on his mind. Always, almost. More than what he would have wanted. It was understandable, really.

Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep, Ryan played with the lives of billions and imagined how he could bring him back. There had never been a doubt in his mind that he was doing the right thing, that this was what Akmazian would have wanted. But when it was late in the evening and he thought about the cargo bay, he couldn’t help being just a little selfish and dream that he was still waiting for him there.

He was a relic and a terrible decision away from him. When the thought about it, it was like they were sitting in separate rooms, with a locked door between them. He could have just stood up and knocked. _He was so near_. It was so simple. Just make the stupid choice; he had made a lot of them in his life.

Like kissing him.

He shouldn’t have done that, he shouldn’t have followed Akmazian on an _adventure_ during his shore leave, he shouldn’t have kissed him in a rush after they had successfully escaped extremely angry aliens.

His lips were surprisingly soft and the hand that got lost in his hair so tender. They promised so much. They had the chance to give so little.

On days when he didn’t feel as sad, regret crawled under his skin and settled right between his lungs. _What_  had they even been? Not a couple, no. Too little time for that.

They had been… something. A possibility. A missed opportunity.

He wished there was someone he could apologize to for all the time he had wasted.

David sometimes asked him if he wanted to talk about Akmazian.

He never said yes.


End file.
